You know how bugs just effortlessly travel along the floor/wall/ceiling? Like, is gravity even a thing to them? Which surface is their floor? Maybe they look at us and say to each other “there’s that human sitting on the ceiling again”
Life hack: get your partner to go to KFC to get you a twister wrap and then to McDonald’s to get fries so you can enjoy the best of both worlds.
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"are you still watching?" Nice little reminder there from Netflix that I've done nothing productive with my Sunday.
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There's few things quite as liberating as being on holiday doing your first supermarket shop and just chucking anything beige into your basket. This half a stone weight gain is UK Ellie's problem.
The problem is, I am too hot to sleep with a duvet, but if I sleep without a duvet the bed monster could grab my feet.
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Thought: Mufasa beats the shit out of his brother for the throne, then forever more refers to him as Scar. Talk about salt to the wound. Bit of an arsehole move imo.
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My friends and colleagues are all getting married and having babies. My commitment level: deciding what garden gnome I should buy for my patio.
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You know how people sometimes say 'in relationships the things you once found endearing start to become annoying' well I think my bf is feeling that way about my puns.
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Is it possible to eat so many Easter eggs that you actually alter your DNA to be 90% chocolate? Asking for a friend.
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I'm somewhere between wanting to save all my pennies for the future and wanting the entire range of Essie nail polish.
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2019 British checkout convo:
Cashier: We don’t sell the 5p bags anymore, only the 10p ones.
[Me internally: Outrageous! It’s the Freddo inflation all over again. Will carry item out of principle]
Me responding: Ok please thank you. Isn’t the weather lovely! When do you clock off?
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Things I'm good at:
Buying fruit for work and watching it go off cus I'm choosing chocolate instead.
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Shout out to my grandad who is 92 today. A man obsessed with chocolate and sweet things - I'm taking from this that eating treats helps you live longer.
Brb I'm off to buy cake.
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Literally how do they make the icing so cherry-bakewelly? Why does it taste so amazing? Why can't all icing be this way? Can I buy it in bulk? Does anyone really like glacier cherries? I think about these things a lot.
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Tell me why you think the icing on a Cherry Bakewell isn't the best thing Mr Kipling ever created and I will tell you why you're wrong.
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