Ronald Reagan was the first U.S. president to have been divorced. His first marriage, to actress Jane Wyman, ended when she left. His second marriage, to Nancy, lasted 52 years.
In 1971, while Reagan was Governor of California, his oldest son Michael was preparing to get married. Reagan could not attend the wedding, so he sent a letter. It was personal advice from a father who had seen how difficult marriage could be and had learned what it took to make one last.
He told Michael that marriage was about to become one of the most important relationships in his life, and that what it became would depend on what he was willing to put into it. He warned against the attitude that a man could do whatever he wanted as long as his wife didn’t find out. Once trust begins to disappear, something important disappears with it.
Reagan believed many people who said marriage didn’t work were the same people who had put the least effort into making it work. You generally get back what you put in. If you give only half of yourself, you shouldn’t expect everything in return.
He acknowledged there would be moments of temptation. But real strength, he said, wasn’t about proving how many women a man could attract. It was about choosing one woman and continuing to love her through an entire lifetime. Cheating was easy. Remaining loving, interesting, faithful, and committed required more character.
He told Michael that if he truly loved his wife, he would never deliberately embarrass her by flirting with another woman or giving her a reason to wonder where he had been. He reminded his son that he knew what it was like to grow up in an unhappy home, and that he now had a chance to create something different.
One of the simplest pleasures of marriage, Reagan wrote, was coming home after a long day and knowing that someone you love is waiting, simply happy to hear you walk through the door.
He ended with a short piece of advice: tell your wife “I love you” at least once a day. He added that it really does help.
Those words came from a man who understood that a marriage needs to be cared for. Love and loyalty had to be shown through everyday actions. Reagan made sure Nancy knew she mattered to him. At home, away from the presidency, he was a husband and a father who deeply loved his family.