Comic, MC, musician, actor, radio guy, dad and animal activist. Comes with 12 month warranty.
Melbourne, Australia
- Tweets 28,986
- Following 518
- Followers 10,356
- Likes 2,445
"We knew the world would not be the same. A few people laughed, a few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita... 'Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'
- Oppenheimer.
a heavily slurring Trump lies his ass off: "Not only did Talafreako state that God is transgender, he actually said that if Jesus Christ himself came and visited the Texas legislature, Jesus would be promoting sex changes for little children."
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My wife is miserable and grumpy. Even after a two week holiday in Tahiti!
Unbelievable! She gave me the worst 'welcome home' ever.
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For only $30 a month you can adopt a Jetstar passenger. Help us stop the brutal & inhumane way we treat them by donating today. You’ll receive a framed picture of your very own Jetstar passenger and regular updates as to where their luggage might be. Thank you
— Melbourne Airport
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PRIEST: What were you thinking??
ME: Releasing birds at a wedding is romantic.
PRIEST: Emus?
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Sadly accurate. If you still support trump after all he’s done (or failed to do) I’m sorry but you will die stupid.
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I shouted at my wife while she was in labour, "Push harder".
She screamed, "Fuck you!"
Bit harsh. It wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital.
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