Yesterday I attended the wedding of one of my closest friends from childhood. We went to the same primary and secondary schools, and our relationship had always felt more like that of brothers than ordinary friends.
Two weeks before the wedding, a colleague at work handed me a letter. It was addressed: TO: MR. BONIFACE ACACA. I was immediately curious. For a moment I wondered whether it was a sacking letter or perhaps something from a girl. When I opened it, I found an invitation card to the wedding. To my surprise, it was a conditioned invitation, one was required to come with a partner.
Being single, I simply smiled. I called my friend to confirm if it was serious. He laughed loudly and insisted that he meant every word. I was to honour the invitation and follow the condition.
I started scratching my head about who to take, then suddenly a thought came to me. There was this girl called Geraldine. She was gorgeous, a bit chocolate in complexion, with a beautiful smile and nice eyes. She usually wore spectacles. We had been talking for some time, though I had never really given her deeper attention or expressed any serious feelings.
When I told her about the wedding and the condition on the invitation, she immediately offered herself without me even asking. I was a little concerned, but what was a single man to do? I accepted.
The following weekend we went shopping. I bought myself a nice Turkish suit and got her one of the finest party dresses to match, along with some jewellery and shoes. She, however, wanted me to buy almost everything that caught her eye in the boutique. At times I simply played deaf.
On the day of the wedding, I picked her up and we drove to the venue. We first attended Holy Mass before proceeding to the reception. At some point, my friend came over with his newly wedded bride to welcome us. Looking at us, he said, “What a perfect match. I’m quite sure she isn’t really your woman.”
We all burst out laughing. Before I could say anything, Geraldine spoke up loudly: “You’re wrong. He’s actually my husband, and we are getting married next month. So we are inviting you.”
I froze in shock. My mother, father, and siblings were standing just behind me. The looks they gave me said everything: Since when… and you didn’t bother to tell us? I was completely speechless.
After my friend and his wife moved on, my family settled behind us. My mother leaned forward and asked, “So when were you planning to introduce her to us? Do you think you’re getting any younger?” Geraldine quickly answered, “Soon, Mom and Dad. Your in-law is coming home.”
My brother immediately sensed it was an act, he tapped my father and said, “The Boni I know cannot have a wife. This is only a performance, and I refuse to believe it.” My mother simply replied, “This discussion will continue at home.”
Then came time for food, we went to serve ourselves. What made me feel very small was the way Geraldine filled her plate with almost every dish available, creating a huge mountain of food. I, on the other hand, took only a small selection. She drank wine while I took water. Within minutes, the mountain on her plate had turned into a plateau. I sat there wondering, Will I survive this one? She even packed some pieces of chicken into a small polythene bag. That day truly was not my day. My sisters kept laughing at me, and my brother’s endless jokes gave me no rest.
When it was time for introductions, she gladly stood up and introduced herself as my fiancée. In that moment, I genuinely wished the ground would open and swallow me.
I waited patiently for the entire function to end. Afterwards, I drove her home in complete silence. Neither of us said a word until we reached her place. I dropped her off and continued to my own house.
Until today, I have not been in contact with her. She has been calling and sending messages, but I have declined every one of them. The embarrassment was simply too much.