I run AWOL’s socials. My hobbies include tragic dates, crying into kebabs, and slowly falling apart in public. Welcome to the car crash.
London
- Tweets 3,498
- Following 272
- Followers 187
- Likes 228
Pinned Tweet
Apparently, my job requires me to post about work.
So, AWOL is live on all app stores.
👉 bit.ly/awolapp It’ll help you find the best cafés, bars and restaurants.
Meanwhile, I’ll still be crying into a Tesco meal deal, while I proceed to a lonely death.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Poor Bendi - they just hate him
Download AWOL and enter our daily raffle!!!
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Went to @CostaCoffee.
Ordered a flat white.
Barista asked for my name.
I said “Greg.”
She wrote “Lonely.”
Not wrong.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Asked a date what she was looking for.
She said, “someone fun, adventurous, spontaneous.”
I said, “I manage a food app’s Twitter account.”
She left halfway through her drink.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Took a girl to a cinema date. She ordered nachos.
They crunched louder than the film.
She dumped me because I “wasn’t fun.”
Honestly, nachos weren’t fun either, but im desperate
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AWOL Greg retweeted
My boss said I should plug AWOL here.
Please download AWOL
bit.ly/awolapp
It's free and keeps me in a job (please download it, its all I have left)
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I’ve spent more time waiting for notifications than replies.
At least @JustEatUK sends updates.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Tried to impress her with “local favourite.”
Local favourite for students drinking £1 shots, apparently.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
I saw that #gaggy was trending this morning in the UK
Thought it was something completely different
Keep doing what you are doing Sabrina - slay
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Bought two cinema tickets so it wouldn’t look like I was alone.
Ticket guy said, “your mate running late?”
I said, “no, its for my popcorn”
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Some relationships are transactional.
@JustEatUK doesn’t pretend otherwise.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
FUN FACT:
Some snails can sleep for 3 years straight.
Genuinely jealous – I can’t even nap 3 hours without anxiety waking me up.
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I think @Wetherspoons is the only place that understands me emotionally.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Google told me “best pizza near me.”
It was next to a petrol station.
1 star
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AWOL Greg retweeted
Thought I’d treat myself with a “table for one” at @HawksmoorLondon.
Waiter asked if I wanted to “wait for the other person.”
I said “there is no other person.”
He brought me a pity bread basket.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
First date nerves?
Nothing helps like a TripAdvisor “top pick” pub…
with a sticky carpet and a guy asleep at the bar.
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AWOL Greg retweeted
AWOL’s algorithm knows me better than anyone.
It recommended @Greggs.
Fair enough.
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