you wake up feeling lucky. the markets are looking good, the timeline is euphoric, and you decide today’s the day you’re finally going to make it.
you open polymarket, find a few bets that look almost too good to be true, connect your wallet and sign an unusual but legit-looking transaction. a few moments later, your wallet is drained.
whatever. you’ve been in crypto long enough to know that self-custody comes with risks. you still have funds elsewhere, so you decide to move everything to a centralized exchange. surely that’s safer.
you deposit everything into binance, take a deep breath and finally relax. then you hear about the binance hack.
at this point you’re starting to question whether money is even real, but you figure the safest place for your remaining funds is probably your bank account. you initiate a withdrawal, only for your bank to flag it as suspicious and freeze your account pending a security review.
they ask you to verify your identity, so you send them your ID, passport, proof of address and a handwritten letter explaining that yes, you are the idiot who just lost almost everything, and you'd like to transfer whatever you have left.
they tell you the review will take 5-7 business days.
you open twitter to calm your nerves and the first thing you see is a guy turning $200 into $2 million on a memecoin.