A bad coach tears people down. An average coach focuses only on results. A good coach teaches skills and systems. A great coach builds confidence and trust. An exceptional coach helps people believe in themselves at a higher level. And the best coaches impact lives long after the scoreboard stops mattering.

The conversation you’ve been putting off probably isn’t getting easier while you wait. On November 9, I’ll be back at the @NARImilwaukee, Inc. Remodeler & Supplier Expo at the Brookfield Conference Center! I had the opportunity to deliver the keynote a couple of years ago, and I’m excited to return with The PLAYbook for Difficult Conversations: How to Navigate Conflict with Emotional Intelligence. We’ll talk about how to keep your emotions in check, get curious about the other person’s perspective, and say what needs to be said. Whether it’s with a customer, coworker, or someone on your team, you’ll leave with practical tools for your next tough conversation. Joining us? Use my speaker code GUEST to save $50 on registration. Hope to see you there! @NARI_National

A great weekend with Michigan Tech Women’s Basketball! After watching a couple of practices, I got to spend a few hours with the players and coaches talking about leadership, purpose, and the team they want to become. One of my favorite parts was watching them put words to what matters to them… Passion, Integrity, Accountability, Trust, Unity, and Grit. Then we got specific. What do those values look like between drills? After a mistake? On the bench? In class? When you’re tired and someone else needs your energy? Together, we worked on their Program Compass… a shared purpose, core values, and everyday actions they can hold themselves and each other to. We also talked about something at the heart of Everyday Leaders… You don’t need an experience or a captain title to influence your team. The way you prepare, respond, speak up, and support someone else matters. Thank you to Coach Gruber, Coach Wolshire, Coach Rocks, and all the players for welcoming me and being willing to share, listen, laugh, and work through this together. As a speaker, coach, and dad, this one meant a lot. Lead on 3! 🏀💪

You can love your work, care about your team, and still need to say no. Before my SHIFT keynote at the @UnitedOneCU annual all-employee training day, I read participants’ responses about what was getting in the way of feeling more fulfilled. Several described a familiar tension: wanting to help others while struggling to make time for themselves and the people they love. That’s why we talked about work-life fusion. When we think about balance, it’s easy to picture a 50-50 split between work and life. Or we divide ourselves into smaller pieces: 20% here, 40% there, 10% somewhere else, 25% for this, and 5% for whatever is left. We try to be all things to all people. But even when we show up, our attention doesn’t always come with us. We’re at work thinking about home. We’re at home thinking about work. We’re doing one thing while feeling guilty about another. For me, fusion is about 100-100. (This doesn't mean it's easy!) Being fully present at work when I’m working. Being fully present with my family when we’re doing "family things." Spending more time giving my full attention to the people and things that reflect my values and bring me deep meaning. That takes more than good intentions. It takes decisions about what I’ll make time for and what I’ll decline. In the feedback afterward, one participant wrote their biggest takeaways: “Work-life fusion vs balance. Learning to say no to see a change.” Those ideas belong together. Every yes uses time and energy. Sometimes saying no is how we make room to give something important our full attention. I don’t see 100-100 as another standard to be perfect at. It’s a reminder to notice when my mind has left the place where my feet are, and bring it back. What could you say no to this week so you can be more fully present for something you deeply value? Thank you, Amy, Alexis, and the UnitedOne team, for making time for this conversation during your training day at Autumn Ridge Golf Course.

Phil Jackson says he told Michael Jordan he needed to score less if he wanted to win a championship because scoring titles and championships don’t go together “When I was given the job as the head coach of the Chicago Bulls, I brought Michael Jordan in to speak with me, and I said, ‘You know, you’ve averaged 37, 38, 36 points a game the last three years. You know, you’ve been the scoring champion, but if you look back at the history of the NBA, there hasn’t been a scoring champion for almost 15 years who’s won the championship. They don’t go together.’” “‘And we need to take the focus off you, which is what teams now tilt their whole defense towards, stopping Michael Jordan, and open it up for the rest of our team. And it means you taking less shots a game. That’s important.’ And he stopped me and he said, ‘Are you going to run an equal-opportunity offense like Tex Winter’s been talking about?’” “I said, ‘Yeah, I guess you could call it an equal-opportunity offense, but I’m not going to be calling the plays from the sideline. You guys are going to be reading it on the floor. So if the 24-second clock is running down and it becomes red, which is the call everybody makes when it’s under five seconds, we’ll teach the team how to get the ball to you at the end of that clock because then you can score.’” “He said, ‘Well, I don’t think that I have to give up a scoring championship. I could score 32 points a game and still win a scoring championship. That’s only eight points a quarter.’ I said, ‘Michael, I had trouble scoring eight points a game when I was a player.’” “‘But rather than scoring eight points a quarter, why don’t you save that for the fourth quarter and score 14 points in the fourth quarter and take us home? And you can do what you want to do during the early part of the game and then put the onus and the nail in the coffin in the fourth quarter to seal the deal.’ He kind of liked that idea.” “And, you know, I think we lost two or three of our first games that we played in my first year coaching, and everybody had to kind of figure out how to do it, how to play together when the ball was dictating the action, when the passes were dictating what people would do, rather than a specific number for a player being called from the sideline. And I gave the team a little bit of authority, which is exactly what a coach wants to happen.”

I’ve lived this as both an AAU coach and a dad. Both my girls have played on first teams and “second teams.” For our family, the label mattered less than the fit. Did the style of play suit her? Would she have a role she could earn and grow in? Were the coaches teaching the game… defense too? Was she still excited to come to the gym? One of my favorite coaching seasons started 1-7 and finished 7-0 with a championship. The players shared the ball, played team defense, embraced their roles, and followed each other. We’ve also lost by 20 and had an absolute blast because the girls competed, communicated, and stayed connected. The scoreboard and the label don’t tell the whole story. Do your homework. Ask about player development, recruiting relationships, realistic college pathways, and the plan for your daughter. Then watch a practice and a game. What happens between games often matters more than the games themselves. Is she learning? Does her coach know her? Can she contribute in the team’s style of play? Does she feel challenged… and still love being there? AAU doesn’t have to lead to college basketball to be worth it. The love of the game doesn’t care what division you’re headed to.

My first assignment with the @Bucks? Organizing old VHS tapes in a windowless storage closet. Not exactly the highlight reel I imagined. 😂 At the same time, I was working with the @Brewers organization at Miller Park. A passing comment from our @delawarenorth GM, Tom Olson, changed how I saw my work, and that lesson has stayed with me for 25 years. With all the excitement around the Brewers right now, this one feels especially timely. ⚾ Thanks to @BizTimesMedia for publishing “The Job Nobody Saw.” What job taught you more than you realized at the time?

I Didn’t Know to Call It Leadership I drove past that submarine in Manitowoc, Wisconsin hundreds of times. Worked out at the nearby YMCA thousands of times. Returning to my hometown to speak about leadership at the Inn on Maritime Bay felt pretty special. Growing up there, I knew so little about the subject I now teach. But looking back, I had some pretty good teachers. When I was 16, I worked for Jeff Check at Check Electric. I organized the garage, cut the lawn, and delivered parts the crew had run out of or forgotten at a job site. I knew nothing about the electrical industry. Jeff took time to show me where things belonged and what to do. He worked hard and had a real sense of urgency. But he still made time to say hello and ask about school or basketball. He was positive and upbeat, too. Hard work, a positive attitude, and a genuine interest in people. Pretty awesome combination. At 16, I didn’t think of any of that as leadership. I was just a kid with a job. Now, those are the things I remember about him. Before my Everyday Leaders session with the Lakeshore Area Human Resources Association, participants shared who had influenced them. Their answers included parents, spouses, coworkers, and former bosses. People whose everyday actions had stayed with them. Reading their responses made me think about Jeff. He was getting work done while showing a 16-year-old how to work hard, stay positive, and treat people well. That’s easy to overlook when we think about our own influence. The new employee you take time to help. The student you ask about school. The person you greet even when you have a hundred things to do. To you, it might be a small part of your day. To them, it might become an example they carry for years. Who helped shape the way you lead before you realized they were teaching you? Thank you to Nikki Paider, Kelsey Tienor, and LAHRA for welcoming me back for the first time since 2019. Going home reminded me how much I learned about leadership before I knew to call it that.

A beautiful view doesn’t automatically clear your head. My rental car climbed a narrow mountain road with fresh blacktop and newly painted lines. Five minutes later, I could see why LBM Advantage chose this place for its Annual Leadership Conference. Beautiful gardens. A deer with two babies. People kayaking on the water and hiking nearby. @Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, New York, had my attention before I ever walked into the meeting room. Throughout our group discussions, we explored something most leaders can relate to... supporting our teams, making time for important work, and being present for the people we love. When you care about doing a good job in every part of your life, there’s a lot to juggle. I know that feeling myself. You can drive up a mountain and still bring everything you’re carrying with you. That’s why I appreciate days like this. About 30 leaders stepped away from their usual routines to spend time working on themselves and how they lead. We also mixed up the tables so people from different areas of the business could interact. I love that simple move. We spend so much time focused on our own responsibilities that we don’t always have a clear picture of what someone in another department is juggling. A conversation gives us a chance to see more of that picture. To ask a question we wouldn’t normally ask. To listen long enough to understand the answer. That matters when we return to work. Understanding what’s on someone else’s plate can change how we make a request, offer help, or respond when things don’t go as planned. The SETTING gives you a reason to pause. The PEOPLE give you a reason to make that pause count. Who outside your immediate team could you sit down with to better understand what’s on their plate? @LBMJournal

Your energy arrives before your message. My favorite part of every speaking event is the interaction before my talk, during the breaks, and after I walk off the stage. At a recent event, two people reminded me why. I was in the middle of back-to-back-to-back speaking events in different states. I love this work, but that morning, I was tired. 🥱💤 Then Robin Johnson (Grimes) and Myra Kirkwood Montique greeted me with big hugs, big smiles, and enough energy to give me a much-needed lift. We shared the stage that day. Even though they weren’t speaking until the afternoon, they arrived bright and early, ready to connect and contribute. Both are retired chiefs who continue to travel to districts around the country when asked to teach and give back. They share their experiences and lessons to help others be better at work and in life. And that morning, they helped me (without knowing it) before they ever stepped onstage. Energy is contagious. The way we greet someone can help set the tone for their day... even when we have no idea what kind of day they’re having. Making an impact can start with something as simple as how we show up. Robin and Myra, thank you for the work you continue to do and the energy you bring to the people around you. I’m grateful our paths crossed. Who gives you a lift just by showing up? Give them a shoutout. @uscourts

Grateful and Scared at the Same Time A cancer survivor came to a leadership workshop. They left with a different way to think about their annual checkups. That wasn’t a takeaway I could have planned. During Everyday Leaders with U.S. Probation & Pretrial Services for the Southern District of Illinois, I shared a story from 2017. After years of low white blood cell counts, my doctor recommended seeing a hematologist. When I called to schedule the appointment, all I could hear were two words: “Cancer Clinic.” Weeks later, I sat in the waiting room thinking about Rachel and our girls. What if something was seriously wrong? How would I tell them? Then a friend texted: “Are we working out tomorrow?” My first thought was, “What’s the point? I’ve worked out my entire life and I’m still here.” I replied, “Yes!” Sitting there helped me realize something. I work out for today, too. For how I feel, how I show up, and the life I get to live RIGHT NOW. Thankfully, my hematologist later reassured me that he was confident it was nothing serious. After the workshop, one participant wrote that they were a cancer survivor. Their yearly checkups sometimes brought them down, but hearing my story helped them see those appointments differently. “I need to be thankful to be a survivor and because I'm a survivor, I have to do yearly checks.” I read that more than once. Those appointments may still be hard. The worry may still show up. But so can gratitude for being here to go to them. We can be grateful and scared at the same time. Appreciating an opportunity doesn’t mean we have to enjoy everything that comes with it. I went to Illinois to share a few lessons. This participant gave me one to carry home. Thank you to Reggie Box and the Southern District of Illinois team for welcoming me to Walker’s Bluff Casino Resort and sharing your perspectives so openly. What’s one thing you HAVE TO do that you’re also grateful you GET TO do?

Apparently, I didn't make the list. I was at Walker's Bluff Casino Resort to teach Everyday Leaders with U.S. Probation, Southern District of Illinois. During a break, I noticed the casino’s upcoming entertainment lineup. Clint Black. Martina McBride. Hanson. Jay Leno. I checked for Derek Deprey. Nothing. Not on the front desk list. Not on the lobby sign. I checked both. 😂 Apparently, three hours of leadership development doesn’t get you the same billing as “MMMBop.” Thank you to Chief Reggie Box and the team for having me. You knew I was there, and that’s what counts. 🤦‍♂️ Which act on that list would you go see? I promise I won’t take it personally. @WBCResort @Clint_Black @martinamcbride. @hansonmusic @jayleno

Average coaches make sure players know how important the coach is. Elite coaches make sure players know how important each player is.

What Does a Value Look Like? One of the most useful examples of organizational values I read before a recent workshop involved meals for a family. 🍽️ I was preparing to work with about 60 staff members from U.S. Probation District of Oregon, at their annual district meeting. In the prework, I asked people to describe a time they felt proud to be part of their organization and the values demonstrated. One person described their Health and Wellness committee organizing meals for an officer and her family during the first weeks of maternity leave. That example gets at something I care about when helping teams define their values. People should be able to explain what a value looks like in PRACTICE. If we say we value support, what do we do when someone needs it? If we say we value respect, how do we respond when someone disagrees with us? A word like “support” can mean different things to different people. Organizing meals for a colleague’s family gives it a clear meaning. Someone recognized a need, coordinated the help, and followed through. During our Path to Purpose workshop, we worked together on the district’s mission, vision, values, and the actions that bring them to life. Examples like this are worth paying attention to because sometimes the behavior we want to build on is already happening. We can name it, recognize it, and make it something people can count on. Thank you to Andrea Neumann and the District of Oregon team for making time to think through who you are, where you’re going, and how you want to work together. Choose one of your team’s values and ask: What’s one specific thing we’ll do to put this into practice?

Don’t let complaining become the game! Players complain about their role. Coaches complain about effort. Parents complain about playing time. Fans complain about the officials. I get it. There’s always something to be upset about! But when all we talk about is what went wrong, we drain the joy out of sports… for ourselves AND everyone around us. Care deeply. Compete hard. Then let the next play… be the next play.

“I’m Not Passionate About Event Planning. I’m Passionate About Our People.” That’s what Deputy Chief Scott Hastings told me during a two-day retreat with U.S. Probation and Pretrial Services for the District of Maine. I had complimented Scott on his communication and attention to detail throughout the planning process. I told him he seemed passionate about event planning, especially on top of an already demanding career. His response: “I’m not passionate about event planning. I’m passionate about our people.” That one sentence explained the entire retreat. Scott, Chief Michael Penders, and their team didn’t simply create an agenda. They created an experience that gave 24 people space to learn, connect, recharge, and enjoy being together. Camp Kieve may be the best retreat setting I’ve ever experienced. We held breakout activities by the lake, partner discussions on the trails, and ended the first night with fishing, campfires, and s’mores. As a basketball fan, it got even better when I learned that Chief Penders’ uncle is legendary college basketball coach Tom Penders. Best known for his years at Texas, Coach Penders is one of only three coaches to lead three double-digit seeds to the Sweet 16. I’m not sure I’ve ever talked that much basketball with a group at an event, or had a better setting for it than around a fire in Maine. Even the head chef, Cleo, added to the energy. By 6:30 each morning, she was preparing home-cooked meals, jamming to her music, working hard for everyone, and lifting up the entire room. Over the two days, we explored how to SHIFT from frustrated to fulfilled and how to become more Leadable. But the retreat itself reinforced one of the most important leadership lessons we discussed. People can feel when the details are about more than the details. The best leaders pay attention because they understand that every decision shapes how people feel, connect, and learn. A meaningful retreat isn’t created by a beautiful location, a strong agenda, or a great meal alone. It happens when people can feel the care behind all of it. Thank you to Scott, Chief Penders, the entire District of Maine team, Cleo, and everyone at Camp Kieve for making my first trip to Maine one I’ll never forget. As you plan your next meeting, retreat, or team experience, don’t begin with the agenda. Begin with your people, and let every detail flow from there.

I had the opportunity to speak in my hometown today, and I got to fill the bookends with family. Coffee with Dad at Jenn’s Java beforehand, then a late lunch with Mom, Grandpa, and my stepdad at Covered Wagon… a childhood and family favorite. My sister said she couldn’t make either one because she’s not retired yet. I told her, “Only 16 more years!” Her response: “Nope. Two days. I’m winning the lottery.” 😂 What a great day. @CityofManitowoc

The Cup of “Joe” That Gave Me Perspective I was heartbroken to learn that my friend Joe Torcivia passed away. I first shared Joe’s story in 2016 and later included it in my book, SHIFT. Nearly 15 years after we met, his example continues to shape how I think about attitude, gratitude, and perspective. One afternoon, while I was working as a GM @TheWAC, I was sitting in my office doing paperwork when I noticed a member outside my door talking with our employees and other members. He was full of energy and positivity. He even peeked into my office to say hello. I said hello back, but kept working. Something about his energy stayed with me. I eventually stopped what I was doing, walked out of my office, and introduced myself. After talking for a few minutes, I commented on his positive attitude. That’s when Joe told me that he had suffered a grand mal seizure and had been diagnosed with stage three astrocytoma... terminal brain cancer. You never would have known it from being around him. Joe told me, “I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty with my brain, or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the things that work well.” That was Joe. He understood that he couldn’t always choose what happened to him, but he could choose how he responded. He could focus on everything that was wrong, or he could be grateful for what was still right. A few months later, Joe and I sat down together for a cup of “Joe.” I told him that I wanted to hire him because he embodied our mission, vision, and values. At first, he said no. His doctor believed working would create too much stress for his condition. I asked Joe to show his doctor our mission card and explain what we did: We made a difference in people’s lives, had fun doing it, and supported one another as a team. His doctor changed his perspective. Two weeks later, Joe began working with us. And Joe made a difference. We didn’t stay closely connected after our time together at the WAC, but Joe would still engage with my posts... especially the ones about mindset and perspective. That was fitting because Joe didn’t talk about those things. He lived them. Joe was given a devastating diagnosis, but he refused to let it define every day. He lived years beyond his doctor’s expectations and reminded countless people that perspective may not change our circumstances, but it can change how we live through them. I’m grateful for the lesson he modeled... We may not get to choose every circumstance we face. But we can still choose what we focus on, what we’re thankful for, and how we show up for the people around us. None of us knows how much time we have. Joe reminded us not to wait for easier circumstances before choosing to live with gratitude, positivity, and purpose. Rest in peace, Joe.

The start of something new 🐺

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A year from now, you may look back and realize you didn’t need to have it all figured out. You just needed enough belief to take the next step, and enough discipline to keep going. Believe in yourself. Then back that belief with action.