Youngest son just told my wife we're making her a "kangaroo cake" with "melted dirt" for her birthday
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Maybe twice a week before I pick up my son from school I stop at guitar center and play cannibal corpse riffs
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when you're expecting a package today and you go to track it and it's like that shit is still in Louisville <<<
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Math Liker 🇹🇲 🇿🇲 retweeted
I'm tired yall we've been through so much: The Malice at the Palace, Josta soda discontinued, the Super Bowl where the lights went out, 22 years between Jumanji movies, swine flu, chronic diarrhea, William Hung, the balloon art guy, Windows Vista, the Honeycomb cereal mascot,
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Millenials basically ruined diarrhea for zoomers. Zoomers think it's super cringe now to have diarrhea.
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They're going to make Diablo 2 real life next February. You can become your paladin, barbarian, sorceress, Amazon, necromancer, druid, or assassin for real when they make it happen.
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Dying at the Alamodome in front of a few thousand people and they still play the game afterwards and no one really gives a shit they watched you die
A U.S. Army officer falls to the field at high speed during a fast rope demonstration gone wrong during the Navy vs UTSA pregame tonight.
The officer was attended to on the field and taken to the hospital on a stretcher. There has been no update on his condition but we pray that he was not seriously injured.
Community note
Air Force confirmed the service member, a USAF Airman, died from injuries after the rappelling demonstration. It was not a fast-rope or Army officer.
taskandpurpose.com/news/airman-di…
espn.com/college-footba…
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Homemade bottle rockets are one of the safest (and cheapest!) ways for your family to enjoy the pageantry of fireworks
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i love when a website or software changes its UI for no reason. i love that shit when the buttons move and the menus are in a different order.
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My secretary: Sir, the Grand Vizier of Pain is here to see you
Me (ducking under my desk): Tell him I'm not here
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