Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes

“By far the best jokes on X” - weekdayjokes 2024

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Joined August 2021
2,707 Photos and videos
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday... said maybe they'll marry each other. Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
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I would recommend always buying very high end speakers. It's a sound investment
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How do dogs order eggs at restaurants? Pooched
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What does a two-headed cat say? Weow!
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I've just broken two of my dad's Queen CD's. Now I want to break three
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I used to be in a band called Blank Cheque. After three years we were still unsigned
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It's amazing how few people list "The Hospital" as their emergency contact
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What do you call a piano that approves? A piayes
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Just found out I've failed my German exam. Sacre bleu!
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Two nuns walking down an alley when a vampire leaps out in front of them, baring his fangs. First nun: 'Quick, sister, show him your cross!' Second nun: 'I'm very angry with you, vampire!'
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You can tell monopoly's an old game. There's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail
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My wife has left me because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry... I'll return
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This summer I was out camping in a wood when a monk tried to sell me flowers but I said no. I like to do my bit to prevent florist friars
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I always appreciate a good pun, but never geographical ones. There's Norway I'd sink Oslo as that
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I was once in a band called Insecticide. We used to cover The Beatles
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The Judge asked me if I thought his duck impression was a good one. I replied “Yes Mallard”
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Me: If my boss doesn’t take back what he said to me I’m leaving the company Wife: What did he say? Me: You’re fired
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I hate being bipolar It's awesome
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I have just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is this a trick question?
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Titanic is my favorite movie about how to get rid of your boyfriend and make it look like an accident
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My book on tantric sex finally arrived. It took ages to come
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